The Placebo Effect

I went to the psychiatrist the other day for my routine appointment.  When asked how I was, I told him the same, which is apparently a not-so-good thing.  It actually means that I'm doing worse in the mental department since, if it were really the same, I would be feeling better (the mind is a tricky thing).  That was a little bit of a letdown, but we're near the end, so there is only a short-ish amount of time to soldier through.

I asked about going back on meds, since I had checked in with the OBGYN and her expert in the field about the situation, and they confirmed that it was fine to go back on in the beginning of June since the kid's development was over, and it was just weight gain at that point.  All I have to do was up my folic acid intake.  No big deal.  I brought that up to my psychiatrist (he's wonderful; I adore him), and he agreed to prescribe a very low dose in order to help bring me back up to speed.  A normal daily dose of Depakote for me is 1500 mg, and I will be taking 250 mg a day for the next month or so, which is better than nothing.  It turns out that due to pregnancy, I have tons of extra proteins flowing through my body and bloodstream, which the Depakote will attach itself to, rather than making its way to my brain, which is where I need it the most.  My psychiatrist is pretty sure that still going back on meds will be good for me; not because it builds a base for the postpartum period like I was planning, but because it will cause a placebo effect and help me to be more calm and, hopefully, stable, going forward.  Once the baby comes, we'll be able to address going back on meds seriously and get my levels up again.

I'm a little disappointed.  I had grand plans of going back up to my normal dose of Depakote, having it in my system and helping me along before the kid comes, so that I can be more prepared and stable after.  There is enough going on without adding the mental health stuff into the mix.  But if all the meds are is a placebo, and the doctor feels that will help me, I am all for it.  I will try pretty much anything to keep from falling off the cliff again.  That just does no one any good; least of all the baby, Kevin, and myself.  Luckily, my mom will be here to help me out as soon as the baby comes and can step in to handle me or the kid, whichever one of us Kevin isn't dealing with.