Perfectionism

I have a problem with being perfect. Not that I think I, personally, should be perfect, but that I should be able to do everything I attempt perfectly, on my first try.  Sewing, cooking, crafts, etc.  It doesn't matter what it is, I have a vision in my head and feel that it should come out how I see it, no matter what.  This is impractical for so many reasons.  Logically, I understand this.  Emotionally, I don't.  It's frustrating to not have your vision come out right the first time.  And then I give up, because if it didn't work the first time, no use in trying again.  

I'm trying to get over that mindset.  I've revisited crafts and sewing projects, trying to figure it out and get it somewhat right.  Nobody gets it the first time (except Katy Perry and her sewing projects--darn her), and it always takes some practice.  Master craftsmen are continually perfecting their craft.  As a super novice beginner, I just need to keep practicing at the things I undertake.  It's annoying, because I have a vision in my head, and I'm a perfectionist.  But meltdowns over failure are so unattractive, so I need to put on my practicing hat and just keep trying.  And getting over my perfectionism and keep in mind the vision is a goal to strive for.

A few concerns

I've noticed I've been talking a lot, obsessing, and unable to sit still for any length of time.  This is all ratcheted up from my normal levels (I can be a talker, focused on things, and multi-tasking on a regular basis--but within acceptable levels).  I miss my medication and how it takes me down quite a few rungs on the manic ladder and allows me to be a normal human being in the world.  These last few days have been especially hard.  The longer I am off meds the more I feel myself spiraling out of control in different ways.  Today I'm talking too much; what happens tomorrow?  Or next week?  What about five-and-a-half months from now, which is the soonest I can get back on a medication regime.  Even then, it is a slow build-up to a normal level and will take some time to find the correct dose.  My previous dose might not work anymore, since my hormone levels are likely to be out of whack.  Then I have post-partum depression to contend with.  We have a plan to help combat it, but that doesn't guarantee anything.  The last major depressive episode I had lasted for ten months.  And it wasn't that long ago.  I don't want to go through that again.

I've accepted that having a kid was going to mess me up mentally, just because all the things I use to keep me level are gone.  I am on my own, and have to be so cognizant of my surroundings and what is going on in my head, that it wears me down.  And usually I don't recognize that I'm extremely manic until a while later and I view the situation with "outside" eyes.  It's a delicate balance and I'm learning everyday how to do it alone.  I've been on medication since I was eleven; that was twenty years ago.  And I've been completely off since September 2010.  You can see how it is something I am freaked out about being without.  I am trying every day to be aware of my surroundings, my mood, and what could potentially send me spiraling one way or another.  But it's hard, and it gets harder every day.  The further along in this pregnancy, the harder it gets.  There are five months to go.  And I am really not looking forward to them.

Baby Poll

We find out next week (March 2nd) what gender the baby is.  If the kid cooperates.  So, in the spirit of everyone having an opinion, please take a moment and vote on what you think the outcome will be.  Polls will close at midnight on Thursday, March 1st, and all will be revealed sometime over the weekend.  We leave our doctors appointment and go straight on a road trip, so communication might be a little spotty.

The rules:

Please do not bug us for news.  We will let you know when we are ready to let you know.  Check my blog, Kevin's blog, or Facebook for updates. We might do a mass text.  We might call people.  Perhaps announce it to the world via skywriting or a large post-it note.  But if you annoy us asking for news, you will be the last to know.  I promise.  

Winter Wedding Wonderland

WARNING: This is a fairly long post, with photos.  View with delight.

Kevin and I flew to Utah this weekend for the fabulous Julie Black's wedding.  Our mission was to make sure the bride got to the event; Julie spent Thursday night at our house and was on the flight to Utah with us.  We delivered her into her fiance's care and went on with our touristy day.  

The first stop was "This is the Place" Heritage Park.  It was closed for winter, so we didn't see much, but it was neat to see the place where Brigham Young first saw the Salt Lake Valley and declared that the Mormon Pioneers arduous journey had finally ended and they had found a place to settle.

 Handcart Pioneers at the end of their journey.

 Brigham Young declaring "This is the place."

 

The Salt Lake Valley and mountains

Our next stop was Temple Square and the LDS Conference Center.  We took tours of all the buildings and saw the sights.  The Salt Lake Temple is one of the most amazing buildings I've ever seen and the Tabernacle and Assembly Hall are always architectural delights.  I'll admit to some bias in my love for these buildings as well, since it is part of my cultural identity.  Kevin had some photography fun and spent most of our time at Temple Square doing some artsy shots.  He got some pretty good ones.  I, of course, took what I could get from my iPhone and did a pretty good job.  

 The Conference Center.  It has seating capacity for 21,000 people (that is not a typo).

Christus in the Visitor's Center. 

 The organ in the tabernacle.

Some architectural details in the Assembly Hall. 

 The obligatory shot in front of the Salt Lake Temple.

  

My artsy shot from the iPhone of the temple.

The next day was wedding bliss.  We saw Julie get married for time and all eternity in the Mt. Timpanogos Temple.  She was beautiful and glowing, Justin looked happy, and it was just a good day all around.  

 Some of the Long Beach Gang

 The Hexbergs!

 Sharon and Wendy

 Patty babysitting Rocky

 The newlyweds!

 Julie's girl posse

  Aren't they cute? 

We woke up to snow on Sunday.  I have never seen snow falling before.  I'm a California girl; born and raised.  I don't do snow.  But it was pretty to look at, and not so fun to walk on or drive in.  The rest of the evening was spent lazing about the Hexberg's residence, just catching up and having fun.  It was the perfect ending to a weekend with friends I do not get to see enough of.  And then off on the plane and back to reality.  

Leaving on a jet plane

Utah fun!

We flew to Utah for a friend's wedding and are making a weekend of it. There will
be a more involved update soon (stay tuned--I know you're interested!) but here is a taste of what's to come.




-posted on the go!

Valentine's Day Love

We kept Valentine's Day low-key around here.  Small gifts to each other, and a "fancy" home-cooked dinner, which Maggie invited herself to since we had steak.  But the biggest surprise of the day was when UPS dropped a package off on our doorstep.  My Aunt Jan and Uncle Jordan surprised us with Eli's Cheesecake and pizza from Lou Malnati's in Chicago, IL.  I've heard rave reviews from my Aunt and Uncle, and cousins, so I know it will be fantastic.  But it was an incredibly sweet surprise and we're super excited to give these treats a try.  Happy Valentine's day to everyone!

 Our fancy table

 The fancy dinner

 Our Valentine's surprise from Aunt Jan and Uncle Jordan

The loot inside our Valentine's surprise!

 Happy Valentine's Day from Maggie the Wonder Pup!

Projects!

In the reorganization process of getting rooms situated for a baby to take over the household, we moved a blanket chest from the bedroom to the living room.  In order for it to "go" with our other furniture, staining was necessary.  My friend, Mallory, came over and we spent an hour putting some color on the blanket chest.  I got it several years ago from Ikea when living in SoCal, and it shows the wear of seven moves and holding things other than blankets.  I'm going with the theory that just makes it look "antiqued."  But it looks good and is ready to hold the myriad of blankets Kevin and I seem to have collected.  I don't know how two people managed to accumulate so many blankets,  but we have, somehow.  If you ever come stay at our house, you will not be cold.

 The "before" shot, in all its natural, Ikea glory. 

The "after" shot.  The stain color is Gunstock.  I thought it looked like oak, but no one asked me to name it.  Unfortunately.

Dog Park Adventures

Maggie loves the dog park. She gets to romp around without a leash, meet new people who will, in her mind, obviously adore her, and meet new dog friends. She is gathering her courage to approach big dogs (she's kind of a coward) and loves chasing around with the small dogs. It's pretty fun to watch her socialize and run around with her friends.




-posted on the go!

Adventures!

Kevin and I decided to have an adventure the other day and cross something off our list of "Places to Vist and Things to Experience."  We decided on the local Mt. Diablo State Park, packed a lunch and Maggie into the car and off we went.  And while it was pretty, it was also cold and windy (which made it colder).  But it was a fun day and Maggie loved exploring a new place.  There are some spots that are more geared toward spring-time hiking, so I am looking forward to going back.  Yay!

 Where we tried to picnic. Pretty, right?

 Where we actually picnicked, due to wind and cold.

 Maggie goes exploring!

 Standing on the summit of Mt. Diablo (3,000 ft. up!)

The visitors center.  Also, its a cool building built in the 1930s.  What else do you expect from me?

All sorts of wrong

There is just something about this that seems so wrong, on so many levels.

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