a while back, i had a breakthrough when it came to my role as a mom. i have been reflecting on that epiphany for a little bit, and looking back at myself for the past year. i find that since acknowledging the type of mom that i am, and coming to more fully understand that being me is the best thing lily needs, that i have gained more confidence in myself as a mother. i am more certain in the ways that i handle lily and her (very normal toddler) moods. i am confident that i can leave the house with her for long periods of time and not have issues with how i handle things. it has been surprising to me how much more patience i have with lily as a toddler than i did when she was a baby (it has actually been surprising that while kevin was magic with her as a baby, i'm better with the toddler stage than he is. who knew?)
the adventures i plan for our family (whether local or longer distance outings), the care i have for what our house looks like and the vibe it gives off to those who visit, and the pure enjoyment i get when i interact with lily, are all things that are me, and not a person who i think i need to be. and that helps my confidence in who i am to grow.
i am a mormon mom who works outside the home. i am a mormon mom who is quite happy to have one child. i am a mormon mom who knows that before i was kevin's wife and lily's mom, i was shaine; a person with dreams, desires, goals, interests, and plans. those things didn't go away when i got married or became a parent. they were just integrated into my new roles as they came. i am still shaine, with those same goals and interests, but now i am a wife and mama in addition to my individual self.
i have come to have confidence in me, confidence in the promptings of the spirit, and comfort in the direction my family is going, because i know that we move in the direction the spirit guides us. and even though we may do things that are not very traditional in the lds community (ie the stay-at-home mom and 4+ children that is the rule rather than the exception), i know i am standing where i need to be, and that my Heavenly Father is proud of me, and the woman i am and the woman i continue to become. this life is about growth and about finding our way back to our heavenly home. and even though my path isn't the traditional one, it is the path God is laying before me, and asking me to walk with both hands firmly clasped to the iron rod and my eyes directed forward to Him.
2 comments:
I've been thinking a lot about my confidence as a mother the past 6 months or so, too. I feel the same way about being who you are, and keeping hold of those dreams and the things you love to do. Mike has been my biggest help in continuing to do what I love and trying things I've always wanted to try while I've been a mother. Especially now we have 3 kids, I feel like it's more important than ever for me to stay in touch with who I am and what I want for me and for my family. Like you said in your post on this before (or at least, what I remember as being said), our children weren't just sent to anyone down here looking to have a kid. They were sent to US. There's got to be a reason for that.
You have always been a trend setter with your own style and grace. This is just a sheer reflection of the wonderful friend, sister, wife, mother and daughter you are. Lilly is lucky to be reared by a confident LDS woman and not cave to social stereotypes. Continue to craving your path - it looks marvelous. I heart you for that!
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