What would you take?

I have been intrigued by this blog lately.  It is basically a photo of the things a person would grab on their way out the door if their house was burning.  Things they like, sentimental things, irreplaceable valuables (valuable for one reason or another).  I go through this blog and look at what someone would think to grab.  What they would reach for and why.  Some things I understand, other items I just roll my eyes.  But I've been thinking.  What would I take?  What is so important to me, and so irreplaceable, that I would grab it from my house?  I am a collector.  I like stuff, specifically my stuff.  Things I've gathered from around the world and have sentimental value for one reason or another.  Then there are the practical items; things I should definitely have just to survive.  Most of my family is in the greater Los Angeles area.  At one time or another, all have faced the wildfires that raged and had to have things packed and ready to go, just in case they had to evacuate.  I never asked, but I did wonder, what did they grab? What was important to them?

What is important to you?  What would you take?

0_0 That is all I could say

I was getting dressed for church this morning, and had a pair of bronze harrachi sandals on with my dress.  As I pulled out some jewelry to start the accessorizing, Kevin looks at my choices and says, "If your going to wear that necklace, you should really wear the natural wedges you wore at Vanessa's wedding."  I don't think my eyebrows could have risen any higher or my eyes gotten any bigger. 0_0  I had been contemplating a jewelry change, but after that, I just had to change my shoes.  Let me just spell this out for you a little bit more:

Kevin
A) knew the proper color and style of shoes I had bought for an occasion a full year before I met him
B) offered styling advice for my outfit and, out of all the shoes in my closet, had pulled out the style that would work perfectly
C) knows all the shoes in my closet.  Mind-boggling.

Peace

The past two weeks have been hell on earth.  Work has been so insane, I've contemplated just putting my pen down and walking out.  Things are just amped up, and it seems we are asked to do things for which we have no time and even less support.  I heartily dislike my job, and have been searching diligently for something else for the past eighteen months.  I've had one bite out of countless applications, and got passed over for that.  It seems like I am doomed to be at my present employment forever.  And the thought makes me shudder and cry.  Needless to say, I've been going crazy and haven't felt very good or happy about anything, let alone life in general.

Thursday night was temple night for my stake.  Kevin and I went, and made it to the temple with about 10 minutes to race to the dressing rooms to get ready and make the session.  Thanks to a horrendous traffic jam, the session was incredibly small and we were able to sit in the celestial room for a good while.  It was the calmest and most at peace I have felt in a long time.  I went with questions a need for guidance, and while the answers did not come in a lightening strike, I was comforted by the presence of the Spirit and the knowledge that my Heavenly Father loves me.  I love the temple.  I love the feeling of joy and peace that abounds.  It is a sanctuary and truly our Saviors home on earth.  The Lord truly does walk in His Holy Temples on the earth.

Confession

So, I might have seen a photo of a bouquet earlier today.  And I might have thought of how I could rearrange it to suit myself as a centerpiece.  And then maybe I started planning a party around the theme of that centerpiece.  All because of some lemons and limes.  But it is just the perfect thing for summer, and just lends itself to the horribly warm weather we are forced to endure right now.  A nice evening, a gazebo, some misters, and good food, good friends, and, of course, lovely decor.  Kevin is currently rolling his eyes at me.  But I can't wait to start planning.  Let's see if I can make this work.

Bonding

My brother, Chris, is staying with Kevin and I this summer while working at my company.  He goes back to Eureka in August to finish his final semester at HSU.  The job isn't glamorous, but I am so happy to have a sibling close by.  And Maggie especially appreciates him, since she gets to sleep in a BED with a PERSON every night.  This is a very rare treat, and she is becoming pretty spoiled by this turn of events.  Chris is always a good time, and we've had some very lovely sibling chats, moments, and adventures lately.  Plus, coming home to find he and Kevin watching the Giants game together last night?  Priceless.  I'm glad Chris is around.  I enjoy his company, and am glad he is my friend, as well as my brother.  Amusing, sarcastic, and always entertaining.  That's Chris.

The best advice my Dad gave me...

I was reading an article that various people had contributed to.  The subject?  "The Best Advice My Dad Gave Me."  I instantly thought of some of the things that I learned from my Dad, and the nuggets that he still gives us and the quotes the boys and I still use.

*"There are no small parts, only small actors." (I was sad that I had a very small role in a local Shakespeare production.  Dad reminded me that ALL the roles are vital to telling the story.  Otherwise, they wouldn't be there).

*"The pink part is my thumb.  The white part is the rope.  Only cut the white part."  (A line from a magic trick he performed, but still, a great reminder to watch what you are doing).

*"Have fun, be smart, learn something." (Dad always said this to us when we walked out the door for school or when he dropped us off.  It worked while we were in school, but it is also a great life lesson.  We should always have fun, be smart about what we do, and always looking for opportunities to learn).

*If you did it right the first time, then I wouldn't have to tell you to do it again. (Self explanatory, and mostly aimed at my brothers.  But at me, occasionally.  Very occasionally.    :-)  

*Measure twice, cut once.

I could go on and on, but you get the gist of it.  I learned a great deal from my Dad, and am still learning from him.  I am a very lucky girl to have my Dad as my Dad.  He is incredible in so many ways.  I love you Dad!  Happy Father's Day!

A long road back

I went to the gym tonight.  I've gone a few times in the past couple weeks, which is more than I've been in, well, months.  For those who have known me for a long-ish time, know that I was pretty good about getting to the gym a few times a week.  I know why I stopped going.  It wasn't because I'm lazy, or to wrapped up the newlywed life.  The gym is just one of the things that slipped away from me in the past year.

About the end of February/beginning of March 2010 I got kicked off the cliff by some events into a clinical depression.  I got married, went on a honeymoon and spent the first nine to ten months of my marriage clinically depressed.  It was not a fun time for anyone, least of all Kevin.  I feel bad that our first year of marriage was pretty much a train wreck, thanks to my issues.  There are a lot of things that I lost.  I had to drop out of school because I couldn't focus on me and getting better and a grueling graduate program.  It took everything to get out of bed in the morning.  When taking a shower took all of my strength, then going to work part-time sucked the the rest of the energy out of me, and all I could do was go home and sleep for four to five hours until Kevin came home, the gym and the some of the rest of basic living was just beyond me.

I've been working and struggling to get me back.  I miss me.  I miss the me that was in charge and just did things.  I just miss me.  So, I'm working on getting me back.  It's a process, and a struggle.  When you spend that long lost in the dark and have to struggle just to get out of bed, then deal with the feelings of failure and despondency, you have to work hard to just to get some semblance of self back.  You don't just wake up and find yourself back where you were before the plunge off the cliff.  You have to climb up an inch at a time; sliding back down sometimes, regaining lost ground and then continuing with the climb back up.  It isn't easy.  And sometimes giving up seems like the easier thing to do.

I'm lucky to have a strong support system in Kevin, my parents, and my friends.  It hasn't been fun for either of us.  I feel bad that we were cheated out of a "normal" first year of marriage.  Maybe the second will be more traditional.  But I'm fighting every day to get me back.  And getting back to the gym is just part of it.