confidence in motherhood and myself

a while back, i had a breakthrough when it came to my role as a mom.  i have been reflecting on that epiphany for a little bit, and looking back at myself for the past year.  i find that since acknowledging the type of mom that i am, and coming to more fully understand that being me is the best thing lily needs, that i have gained more confidence in myself as a mother.  i am more certain in the ways that i handle lily and her (very normal toddler) moods.  i am confident that i can leave the house with her for long periods of time and not have issues with how i handle things.  it has been surprising to me how much more patience i have with lily as a toddler than i did when she was a baby (it has actually been surprising that while kevin was magic with her as a baby, i'm better with the toddler stage than he is. who knew?)

the adventures i plan for our family (whether local or longer distance outings), the care i have for what our house looks like and the vibe it gives off to those who visit, and the pure enjoyment i get when i interact with lily, are all things that are me, and not a person who i think i need to be.  and that helps my confidence in who i am to grow.

i am a mormon mom who works outside the home.  i am a mormon mom who is quite happy to have one child.  i am a mormon mom who knows that before i was kevin's wife and lily's mom, i was shaine; a person with dreams, desires, goals, interests, and plans.  those things didn't go away when i got married or became a parent.  they were just integrated into my new roles as they came.  i am still shaine, with those same goals and interests, but now i am a wife and mama in addition to my individual self.

i have come to have confidence in me, confidence in the promptings of the spirit, and comfort in the direction my family is going, because i know that we move in the direction the spirit guides us.  and even though we may do things that are not very traditional in the lds community (ie the stay-at-home mom and 4+ children that is the rule rather than the exception), i know i am standing where i need to be, and that my Heavenly Father is proud of me, and the woman i am and the woman i continue to become.  this life is about growth and about finding our way back to our heavenly home.  and even though my path isn't the traditional one, it is the path God is laying before me, and asking me to walk with both hands firmly clasped to the iron rod and my eyes directed forward to Him.   

alameda county fair {2015}

i love the fair.  i love the exhibits, the people watching, and the food you can only eat once a year.  woohoo! someday, when lily is a little older, we might try the rides.  kevin has apparently never been on a ferris wheel, so that needs to be rectified asap (it's just one of those pieces of americana that everyone needs to experience).  

corn dogs; a new fave.

bambi was in the petting zoo!

also, these two incredibly cute baby goats.
i wanted to take them home, but alas, kevin did not
support me in this. boo. that was not a time to think
logically, kevin! i mean, baby goats!

ok, obviously not at the fair, but look!  she's
going to town on a piece of watermelon bigger
than her head.  a) lily loves watermelon, and
b) she's going through a growth spurt.  

show and tell

a few videos of lily being lily...

lilyisms

some things lily has been saying lately...

lily: guess what's coming to my house?
mama: what's coming to your house?
lily: my birthday! it's in august.  i'm going to be three (as she holds up three fingers)
(her birthday is august 4th, and this little back-and-forth has been going on for at least a month...)

"sing happy birthday to me!"
(this is kind of a minor miracle since lily used to cry whenever anybody sang the happy birthday song.  my mom convinced lily that it was annabelle's (the family dog) favorite song.  it's been an ok song ever since)

"when i'm older i can go inside the temple."
(i took lily to the oakland temple grounds on one of our fridays, and she wanted to go inside.  i told her she could go in when she's older.  now, whenever she see's a photo of the temple, this is what she tells people)

lily will try to get away with calling me babe or shaine, and will say kevin instead of daddy.  she thinks she's pretty clever...

lily has a little crush on hiccup from "how to train your dragon." and she is obsessed with that movie.

"say cheese!" (lily has a kid-friendly digital camera she likes to take everywhere)

(pointing to a scene of nyc on her t-shirt)
lily: look, it's my mission!
mama: are you going to nyc on your mission?
lily: yes

"i'm. not. listening." (obviously...)

some things i've learned about myself

i have a strong dislike for crafting.  i've tried it, and honestly, i'd rather just buy whatever it is i'm trying to make.  there is a lot less hassle and aggravation over it.  props to those who find the process soothing, fun, enjoyable, and whatever else they find it.  i'm not a crafter and i'm ok with it.  i'll show up, hang out, keep you company, compliment whatever it is you're making, bring food, and then go home a happy camper for having socialized with you and having kept my aggravation to a minimum. 

i love hosting things.  i love creating an event where people can gather, hang out, feel welcome, and get to know people better.  sometimes i have a theme, sometimes it's informal, but i hope it is always welcoming and fun.  

i never feel fully settled until my art is on the walls and my various things are set about.  i guess it's nesting and making a place my home.  i need color on the walls and lots of texture.  the simplistic modern style just doesn't do it for me (although i do admire photos of that aesthetic and visiting on occasion...)  

i love to travel.  abroad, domestic, in nearby areas; it doesn't matter.  i hate sitting still and always want to find something to see, something to do, and something to experience.  i don't like going alone, either.  i need a travel buddy. 

life has been so much nicer since kevin took over the kitchen/cooking duties.  he's a better cook, he likes to cook, and is more adventurous than i am in the kitchen.  he cooks, i keep lily occupied, we both clean up.  perfect pairing.  

normally i'm the one behind the camera, but i'm trying
to make sure there are photos with me in them.
i'm realizing that it is important that i am part of the visual record,
and not just the documenter of our life.

we're going on a trip!

lily has been having a love affair with suitcases lately.  she drags my carry-on all over the house and wants to take it with us whenever we go somewhere.  this was our conversation the other day:

background: i've been showing her the albums and photos from my various travels, and she has been particularly enthralled by the trip i took to paris quite a few years ago.

lily: mama, i packed your suitcase!
me: oh, you did.  thank you, lily.

later that morning, pulling the suitcase and other travel bags down the hall to the front door...

lily: mama, i'm ready to go.
me: where are we going?
lily: on a trip!
me: where are we going on a trip to?
lily: paris!

i had such a proud mama moment right then.  someday, i really hope i can take her to paris.

i came out of the shower to find my suitcase
packed and ready to go.

i am apparently packed and ready for paris.
fyi..she put my shoes in a separate bag.
that's my girl.

ren and lily go on a date

lily and i met up with vanessa, ren, & soren for a little fun at the san jose kids discovery museum (awesome place).  lily & ren are such little buddies and have lots of fun playing together.  i love to see them interacting.  i hope they are always such good friends.  they'll be seeing a lot of each other over the years...

bubble room!

i'm pretty sure dressing up and driving the firetruck was the
highlight of her day.  and maybe even her lifetime (thus far).

honestly, she could have stayed here for hours.

it was a long and very full day. 

bodie shp (and other camping things)

i finally crossed something off my bucket list; bodie state historic park.  it was every bit as amazing and spectacular as i thought it would be.  i loved it.  we camped near mono lake and explored the area a little bit.  a series of thunderstorms moved in during the three days we were there, and that added a little bit of excitement to our stay.  it was cold, wet, and an amazingly fun time.  and lily was a trooper through it all.  there was no repeat of "hell week" and i think our camping moratorium has been lifted.

on our way!

oh, you know, just a coyote traveling along the highway.

the view from our campsite. and the approaching storm.

whoa nelli deli

gourmet food in the middle of nowhere.
seriously, it was amazing.

my little tribe exploring bodie shp!

my little explorer.  i love traveling with her.

a dog house. metal ceiling tiles and tin cans
that were flattened out to create the siding.

bodie has been kept in a state of "arrested decay."
basically, the state maintains the site as is and does not
add or repair to a "like new" condition.   

the interior of the general store. as the mines shut down and were
played out, people just left, and left all sorts of things behind.
part of the state's maintenance is to leave things as they found it.

i know, it looks like a movie set. but it is seriously so much better!

the interior of the town methodist church.

mono lake

learning the art of roasting marshmallows.
she's a quick learner and no a marshmallow roastin' pro.

taking pictures with daddy

learning how to take pictures with daddy's camera.

i was woken up at 5:30 am when someone crawled into my
sleeping bag with her "star wand." how can you be mad
when your alarm clock is this adorable?

we introduced lily to snow on the way home.
it was a hit, and she wants to go back.

we made it to the top of the mountain! 9,623 feet elevation.