letters

i have become a very frequent letter-writer lately, thanks to my brother, ben.  he is in the army and the only outside contact he has (except for the occasional three-minute phone call to my parents as a reward for something) is the letters he receives from friends and family.  and so, i have become extremely prolific in my letter writing; sometimes i get one in return.  

i received a letter today that said he was glad he could get to know his sister (me) better with every letter.  i loved reading that.  ben was still in high school when i left the hometown for grad school.  when i moved to long beach, two brothers were there, and i had the opportunity to get to know them again, as adults.  but ben and i have never really had that.  he's always been the baby brother i need to look out for most.  but here he is, in the army, stationed in georgia, and the only way i can communicate with him is to put my thoughts onto paper.  and so i do.  i send him things that i am feeling and thinking about.  i send him photos and updates about lily.  i keep him posted on current events.  and i am able to bear my testimony to him, again and again, in different ways and different topics.  

the letters i receive from ben are stark and honest.  he tells me how isolated and alone he feels, that he is going back to church now (at least for his boot camp duration) and is reading the book of mormon (they're only allowed to read religious texts at boot camp).  

i am glad ben feels that he can be open with me, and that, as he said, we are getting to know each other through our letters.  there is something about the written word that compels us to write with our heart and soul, and less with our mind.  it is an opportunity to have a conversation where thoughts are not interrupted by the other person or our surroundings.  we put our end of the conversation on paper and send it to the recipient.  and wait for them to respond.  i am grateful for the chance to get to know my brother as an adult and i look forward to the time we can be together in person.  but i will always be grateful for the letters that allowed us to be so open and honest with one another.