I have purchased a baby memory book. I bought some things for the kid already, so I don't know why the memory book makes it a little more real than, say, clothes and diapers. And formula. But it does. I don't know why, but we have the book and are beginning the process of filling in the info that we can. You know, the mushy stuff about how we found out we were expecting, family reactions, etc. But the book is cute and girly and I am enjoying it. I think my own baby memory book only goes to maybe the first year, but this one goes up to the first day of kindergarten. It's weird that it goes so far.
But in other news, we have the crib (it's still in a box), the paint to start decorating the room, and other odds and ends that help in the organization of said room. Hopefully we'll have stuff painted and set up in the next couple weeks so we don't have to worry about it when the heat of summer hits and we're not scrambling at the end. It will just be good to get things fully organized.
I've felt the baby move in weird ways; everyone has said "oh, it feels like a butterfly." Not so much. I've felt the kid pretty much punching me from the inside. I was rough and tumble, so it makes sense that my kid feels the need to beat someone up. Lucky me, I'm the only one available.
Mentally, things are getting harder. I'm feeling things more intensely, and even when a situation happens that is irritating, it just ratchets up to some intense anger that I know is not warranted based on the situation. Regular irritation, yes. Extreme anger, no. But, it just happens that way. I spent my anniversary day irritated beyond belief because of a couple things. I was okay to be irritated. The situation warranted it. But I didn't have my meds to stop the escalation of emotion. That is what my drugs do; put my emotions and everything else into normal range so I can feel things like a normal person. We went to the psychiatrist the other day, and he asked me to hold out at least another couple months. He thinks there is a lower chance of birth defects if I go back on my meds towards the end of May. We need to check with my OB/GYN, and pray about it, but there is a chance I get could medicated earlier than after birth. Which would be amazing. I really miss my meds. I miss how I don't have to monitor myself as closely as I do now. My psych tells me that I am exercising my rational mind, and that this should be a self-esteem booster. I'm sure I'll look back on it someday and be proud of myself, but for right now, I'm just not a happy camper.
Otherwise, things are just moving along. There is not much new and exciting. It's just killing time until D-day.
1 comment:
Yeah that whole "butterfly" business wasn't true for Jonathan either. I first felt him as a very distinct and hard punch in the lower abdomen. I was confused and convinced myself that there was no way that it was the baby because that couldn't be right. But it was. Explains a lot about him doesn't it? ;) James, however, really was a "butterfly." In fact, his movements never got more intense than that. Again, makes sense, right? And Benjamin was more flips and weird wiggles than punches or butterflies. Interesting how their personalities show up, even in utero!
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